


Haven to Home

by NevarDevereaux



Series: Trilateral Verse [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Sex, Flashbacks, Homosexuality, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Multi, Polyamory, Psychological Trauma, Trauma, possible triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2014-06-10
Packaged: 2018-02-04 04:47:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1765993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NevarDevereaux/pseuds/NevarDevereaux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve led the search for James.</p><p>Sam brought him home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haven to Home

Bucky rises and falls slowly, eyes fluttering and head thrown back in unashamed euphoria. “Mmm.”

Sam moves lazily in counterpoint, his hands squeezing bruises, which will disappear in mere minutes, into James slender hips.

“Touch me,” Bucky begs, almost whining with need.

Sam pulls Bucky down for a possessive kiss, lips opening, tongues sweeping. His hands roam over Bucky's defined back, down his flank, in between them to his cock, hard and leaking.

If Bucky wants touch, he'll give him all he could handle.

*^*^*^

**3 Years Prior**

_”I die in this shitty hotel room at the hands of Steve's psycho ex-boytoy.”_ Sam screamed internally, since his vocal abilities were being restricted by a metal hand.

“I could kill you right now.” James Buchanan Barnes's stare was cold, unwavering. His dark hair hung past his shoulders, a curtain to shut out the world he did not quite understand and did not fit in.

Sam refused to beg or show fear. If he was going out, it would be with honor and dignity. Pleading with the Winter Soldier would not save him anyway.

“Just leave me alone,” James pleaded. “I'm...they made me do those things. I'm not him or _him_ anymore. I...just leave me alone.”

Sam pressed his lips together and tensed, eyed defiant in the face of death and destruction.

James let go of Sam's throat and leaned back, still straddling the man who had been sleeping moments ago. “I don't want to hurt anyone,” James blinked several times, but Sam still saw the red-rimmed wetness. “Just the ones who hurt me and made me...”

Sam relaxed a bit, catching himself before he reached for the man who looked so young and lost. This twenty-something looked more like the Barnes from those old film reels than the harbinger of chaos and bloodshed.

Sam figured his fate was sealed, one way or the other, so why not take a chance. “I can never understand what you're feeling, I don't think any of us can, but we want to help you.”

“You don't even know me,” James growled.

“I know him and he knows you.” 

“I can't...” James quickly propelled himself to his feet, backing towards the door. “I'm sorry...I...”

He reached for the door and was gone.

When Steve returned from a food run, he immediately noticed the finger shaped bruises and reached for Sam, murmuring apologies and running his hands over him, searching for injuries. What he found was the courage to tell Sam he had been hitting on him the day they met and pretty much since.

Sam figured getting together was the only way to put that boy out of the misery which was his pathetic game or total lack thereof, depending on how you looked at it.

 

*^*^*^  
Bucky murmurs and turns into Sam, burrowing in to the warmth, safety, acceptance, and _touch_ Sam provides and represents. He murmurs, inhaling deeply, but not waking. Sam drops a kiss to Bucky's forehead, pulling him in closer.

Bucky throws a leg over Sam and snuffles contentedly. Sam smiles as he began to drift off.

*^*^*^  
 **22 Months Ago**

Sam was walking back to the room from the ice machine when he heard the whimper. He was going to keep moving but he heard it again and the anguish and pain were unmistakable.

Placing the ice bucket down, Sam reached for his sidearm as he moved toward sound. 

James was in a corner, hunched in on himself and shaking.

Sam stayed far away, but alerted the man to his presence. “James?”

James looked up. His hair was uncombed, matted and tangled around his face. His filthy clothes were ill-fitting, too big for his build. 

“I...make it stop,” James whispered.

“Make what stop?” Sam knelt down to make himself less imposing.

“I remember everything. It's all in there and I can't make it stop.”

“What do you remember?”

“I was James Barnes. Steve is...was my best friend and we lived together. A long time ago. Then...I fell and they made me kill. They made me do those things.” James raised his head, eyes pleading for belief, maybe even absolution. “ I didn't want to.”

“Who are you?” Sam asked quickly.

James stared at him, eyes wide and head shaking with lack of understanding.

“Who. Are. You?” Sam pressed.

“I don't know,” James replied.

“Am I in danger?” Sam questioned, knowing if he were, the world class assassin could lie smoothly anwyay.

“I don't want to hurt anyone, except _them_... and sometimes me.”

Sam made a decision. He moved to James and wrapped an arm around him. He surreptitiously sent a quick text message to Steve letting him know the situation as he shushed James and calmed him.

Slipping the phone back into his pocket, Sam took a deep breath and began to speak. “James Barnes, you survived the Depression, got your best friend through after he was orphaned, saved that best friend countless times, and died to protect him. You were put through hell and you clawed your way out and then pushed the devil back into the pit. Man, you don't give up now. You did the hard shit.”

“I'm a murderer,” James whispered. “I did things...:

“No. The _Winter Soldier_ did awful things and the _Winter Soldier_ was just as much a victim as everyone else. Did he volunteer? If he didn't follow orders, I know there was punishment. That isn't free will, James. Taking you against your will, manipulating you, controlling everything about your existence...how is that your choice?”

“But I let them.”

“You went to them and asked them to wipe your memory, place you in stasis, and make you carry out their dirty work?”

James shook his head violently. “No. I remember fighting back in the beginning, but they always won. So...I stopped. I gave in.”

Sam brought up his other arm to wrap around James, hugging him tightly. “See? You fought them, James. That's the James Buchanan Barnes we all learned about. Losing a fight doesn't make you a bad person and it doesn't make you what they turned you into. You fought then and I saw you fight on that bridge. You missed him. That wasn't the Winter Soldier. That was all _you_.”

“I could've killed you all.”

“But you didn't, James. You had the chances and you didn't take any of them. You fought the devil and won, James. You kept him from shooting me out of the sky and you kept him from taking a head shot on Steve. _You_ saved us.”

James turned, staring directly in Sam's eyes. “Why? Why'd they do this to me?”

“I don't know, James. I don't know.”

James began to sob, wracking, broken sounds bursting from his throat. He fisted his real hand in Sam's shirt and buried his face in Sam's chest, shaking violently as he cried.

Sam held on and focused on comforting James. He wondered if the last time he had been touched in any other manner than torture had been 70 years prior.

He didn't miss the several red dots aimed at various points on James's body, and head, or the ambient light glinting off blond hair almost hidden behind a car several dozen feet away.

*^*^*^  
Sam rouses to soft kisses being pressed to his collarbone. Dawn will not arrive for a few hours yet, but Bucky is obviously wide awake.

”Hey,” Sam murmurs happily.

Bucky pauses to return the greeting,”Good mornin'.”

Sam knows what times like this mean to Bucky. For Bucky, these times are for just being close. Holding and being held. Kissing and being kissed. Sharing stories about his youth, full of shenanigans and living in near poverty with Steve. Even then, James was the precocious smart ass and Steve was a shy one.

Sometimes he grouses about Tony using him as a lab rat, and possibly spending a few seconds too long observing his nipples during maintenance on his arm, although, like the rest of them, he highly respects the man, has accepted he adores beauty and will tell you in no uncertain terms how he could appreciate it if given the chance, and has learned that once you get past the obnoxious, purposely offensive, egomaniac exterior, there is a selfless man who will give everything to make the world a better place.

Or maybe keep it intact for him to continue using as his personal entertainment source. 

Sam knows Bucky will never admit it, but he sees some of himself in Tony and he can't help but like him.

James and Bruce have forged a friendship, which Sam and Steve totally get while others raise a befuddled eyebrow. Only the two of them know what it is like for two entities, who are sworn enemies, to share the same space and they are the battle field for the ongoing war. They spend hours in Bruce's lab, talking and Bruce has turned Bucky onto herbal teas and even yoga.

Sam still teases him about that, getting into a pose with his arms up, thumb touching his middle finger and singing,”Ohmmmmm.”

Bucky grins as his eyes slip closed and his head falls onto Sam's chest. His flesh fingers wandered absent-mindedly over Sam's pec, down his abs, then up his side. “Have I ever told you how gorgeous your body is?”

“Sure,” Sam flexed his abs,”but I don't mind hearing it again.”

“So humble.”

“Look who's talking.”

Bucky chuckles softly. “I love you.”

Sam knows the time for joking is over and ruffles Bucky's thick, shoulder length hair. “I know. Love you, too.”

Sam knows Bucky is having one of those days when he needs to be away from the world and in his cocoon of safety and familiarity. 

Sam stretches and sighs,”Why don't we stay in today, watch some Netflix, and eat take out?”

He feels Bucky nod,”Yea. Shrimp friend rice?”

“Guess we're having Chinese later,” Sam singsongs as he flips them over so he can lay on Bucky for a change.

“And pizza...” Bucky adds hopefully.

“Some of us don't have super metabolic rates.”

“Yes, but you have the best cardio workout in the world.”

“True.”

Bucky's metal arm wraps around Sam who is quickly falling asleep again. 

*^*^*^

**14 Months Prior**

James had come into the fold that night he broke down in Sam's arms. SHIELD had been destroyed, but the best agents and, as Tony reminded everyone ad nauseum, _civilian contractors/geniuses_ were still fighting the good fight and working together to cut off every one of HYDRA's heads.

It was Tony who designed and built the reinforced safe house which Bucky was kept in as he was treated by the best therapists and deprogrammed. Clint silently volunteered for many security shifts. Thor, when he was not chasing his not so late bratty brother across realms and galaxies, spent time guarding James and regaling him with stories of Asgard.

It took James a few weeks of convincing before he believed Thor was not just a steroid addict suffering from delusions.

“He really is an alien?” James has croaked

Clint looked up from his phone. “You and your best friend are centenarians who don't look a day over 25.”

“And?”James challenged.

Clint pulled a face before shaking his head and going back to whatever game he was playing mumbling about weirdos and cuckoo's nests.

Sam and Steve had watched as much as they could of James's ordeal. Sometimes they found their own faces tear streaked as his and they had to walk away. There had been screaming, crying, and begging every deity known for forgiveness.

Sometimes the requests were for death.

The first time Sam had heard James scream to be allowed to die, he wretched.

As time wore on, the screaming wasn't as loud and the requests for permanent release from his former life were less frequent. The lifeless stares slowly turn to curious glances.

Steve of course was there. He helped James sort out the memories of the life they shared before. They also shared their frustration of living a new world they were never meant to experience.

But it's Sam whom he sought when he was ready to try something new. When he was given  
permission to venture from the safe house, it was Sam he asked to accompany him.

Sam's smile was genuinely proud and excited. “Where are we going, James?”

James flipped his hair out of his eyes. “ The all black sweats are sexy, but where can I get some clothes?

Sam patted him on the back and said,”Oh, wait till you see this!” as he reached for his keys.

**

“Man, you better tip me well for carrying all these damn bags,” Sam grumped.

James snickered. “I have some kind of card that Clint said is funded by the money they managed to get back from HYDRA. He told me to spend spend spend. Think of it as getting some revenge.”

“Hit 'em up style!”

James gave him a blank look.

“It's a song about...know what? I will play it for you.”

James sling his handful of bags over his shoulder. “I'm hungry again.”

Sam sighs,”When aren't you?”

“I'm buying.”

“Lead the way.”

**

James had asked where the watering holes were.

Sam looked up from his e-reader. “Seriously?”

“What?”James shrugged. “I want a drink.”

“Go change. Make it something nice. I know a nice jazz club not far from here.”

“Jeans?”

“Sure,” Sam responded casually. He had watched the man try on clothes for what felt like days. Thank goodness for those bags that suspiciously had stayed in his lap the entire time.

“This was easier back then.”

Sam thought for a moment. “The dark wash jeans. Get the oxblood shoes and belt and that blue shirt.”

“Thanks,” James threw over his shoulder as he went to his room.

Sam went to his to get ready for a night. He alerted Steve and the others to their plan and told Steve to remind their security detail to be discreet this time. He had spotted them in the mall. 

Amateurs.

When Sam left his room, the first thing he saw was James, hair artfully tousled and looking gorgeous in what Sam had decided was his favorite outfit from their shopping spree. He probably stared, but how couldn't he. James Buchanan Barnes was stunning and it wasn't hard to see how he had been a hit with both the ladies and gents.

But he and Steve had rekindled what they had years ago, even though both of them thought they were so good at hiding. 

For a tactical genius and a super spy, they really sucked at being sneaky.

James seemed to enjoy the laid back atmosphere of the club. They had chosen a booth in a dark corner. James spent the evening talking and enjoying the music and Sam's company while Sam spent the evening doing the same and watching the glances, from the not too big crowd, in their direction.

A little after midnight, it was James who motioned to the door. “You mind?”

Sam shook his head. “Nah. I had a good time.”

Nodding, James slid from the booth and waited for Sam to do the same and lead the way.

They walked back to the safe house in companionable silence. James seemed distracted, fidgety almost.

As they reached the door, James got even more twitchy. Sam said nothing, not wanting to startle him. It was only after they were inside, that Sam brooched the subject.

“Hey, everything alright?”

James shook his head just before he pushed Sam against the wall.

“Hey, James, it's me...”

James rolled his eyes. “No shit, Wilson. You and Steve...you're both dense.”

“Hey,” master assassin or not, Sam was not taking that shit from anybody.

“You are. I practically had to walk around naked to get his damn attention! It was the middle of November. I thought my balls were going to turn to ice!”

With a questioning side-eye, Sam decided to ask for clarification. “What the hell does that have to do with this?”

“You still don't get it?” James sounded tired and over it all. “I. Want. You. I don't know what else to do to get the point across. I spend all my time with you and I touch you every chance I get.”

“I'm flattered, James, but the casual thing isn't really for me.”

James pushed in closer. “It isn't for me either. I am not fully healed and may never be, but I know that you're special and not in the buddy way.”

“It it is just about sex, trust me, looking like that, you can get it anywhere.”

James shook his head,”I look at you and,” James eyes closed as he tried to get his words perfect, “You're hope and home and when I have days I can't keep going, I remember I have to because you deserve a return on the investment you made in me. You deserve everything I can give you, the best I can give you.”

“James...”

“No, my friends call me Bucky. Those who love me call me Bucky. The ones I love call me Bucky.”

Sam's mouth moved, but nothing came out.

“Tell me if I am barking up the wrong tree, Sam. We forget this happened and friends will have to be enough.”

“I...”

James backed off. “I'm sorry.” He turned quickly and began walking to his bedroom

“Wait!” Sam insisted, finally finding his voice.

“Yes?” Monotone, no inflection, no emotion.

Sam took several tentative steps towards James, who stood stiffly in place, back to him.

“Bucky.” Sam said pleadingly and acceptingly, not quite recognizing his own voice or the feelings loaded into it.

Bucky let go of the breath neither of them realized he had been holding.

“You and Steve...” Sam didn't know exactly how to ask the question.

“Are together, both love you, and if I have to hold him down and make him tell you, I will.”

“So how does this work?”

“The world fucking owes us, Sam. If they don't like us being together, their problem. Not ours. If one of us leaves, we all lose and you know it.”

“I was ok walking away.”

Bucky finally turned around. “I know, Sam. That right there is one of the reasons I fell for you.”

“It wasn't just my beautiful smile and great ass?” He joked, trying to cut the tension.

“Never noticed,” James teased.

They spent that night on the couch trading kisses that ranged from hot and frenzied languid and deep. It wasn't about sex. It was much more and they had to make sure the other knew.

*^*^*

When Bucky awoke, he couldn't help the smile on his face. Sam was spooned to his back, even breaths puffing against the nape of his neck. The sun was just rising, brightening and warming the room

He knew exactly who he was. He was a survivor. He was a friend, a brother in arms, a lover. He was a demon cum redeemed man. He was James Buchanan Barnes.

Bucky to those closest to him.

**Author's Note:**

> In my head, there is a canon in which James is triggered by Steve, but afraid to approach him because he is no longer the Bucky Steve knew. Seeing Steve is bittersweet, because it triggers his memories, but it also reminds him of the atrocities he has committed over the last 70 years. Seeing Steve is a reminder he can not go home.
> 
> With Sam, James has no history, so he does not feel he must live up to any prior expectations. Sam is there for him because he cares and wants to help, not through obligation. Sam, who began the journey because he wanted to help Steve, continues because he wants to give James the second chance he deserves. James recognizes that and builds his first connection post Winter Soldier that is not based on orders or ties to the past. Sam gets to know the man that is buried under that mountain of issues and well...if you are a Winter Soldier fangirl, you know how quickly you are blinded by the light.
> 
> I indulge my many hobbies and fandoms over at [Tumblr](http://seekingthecrazy.tumblr.com/). You can never have too many people to fangirl or fanboy with.


End file.
